Friendship

A close relationship of mutual respect, trust, and affection between two or more people.

Friends provide support in three main ways: emotional, cognitive guidance, and tangible help. Friends give each other emotional support by demonstrating care and affection. They also provide guidance during times of decision-making. Friends give help by meeting practical needs, such as loaning a car, cooking a meal, or taking care of a pet while a friend is on vacation. Psychologists have hypothesized that friends are actually coping mechanisms; by providing companionship, support, and resources, friends alleviate stress in a person's life.

The contemporary American view of friendship is a much diluted version of what friendship meant in classical antiquity up through the early modern period in the West. Initially, friendship was regarded as a profound bond between adults, not a phase in childhood development. Such writers as Plato and Cicero wrote treatises on friendship (Plato's Lysis and Cicero's De anicitia) in which they discussed at length why friendship is so important in forming adult character and what qualities one should seek in a friend. These qualities typically included such virtues as honesty, loyalty, courage, and integrity. In the Hebrew Bible, the friendship between David and Jonathan is praised as a model of lifelong loyalty; and in the New Testament, Jesus shows his love for his disciples by calling them his friends.

Second, until comparatively recently, friendship among adults was considered more important than sexual relationships, which is the opposite of the contemporary mindset. The notion that any emotionally deep relationship between people past childhood must have a sexual component is an idea that would have seemed very strange to most Westerners before the popularization of Freud's ideas in the 1920s.

Friendships in childhood

Childhood friendships are considered important today because they mark the child's first steps into the larger world beyond the family; they are particularly significant for only children. One result of past legislation requiring universal childhood education and the abolition of child labor means that most children now have time and freedom to make friendships in school or their neighborhood, and to enjoy being with their friends. Children's friendships are often based on playing in groups and other shared activities; they are typically less aware of their friends as unique individuals than they will be as they grow older. A child's inability to make friends and play with others is often regarded as an early warning sign of autism or another developmental disorder, such as shyness or potentially social anxiety disorder. However, there is a spectrum of sociability in childhood, with some more easily making friends than others, and this can also shift with time and development.

An interesting aspect of childhood friendship is the imaginary friend. It is not unusual for children to have an invisible “friend” with whom they share feelings or conversations. Imaginary friends may be spirits, historical characters, animals, or completely made-up beings. Imaginary friends should not be regarded as a sign of social maladjustment or a mental disorder; over a third of American children report having imaginary friends, and may retain them into early adolescence.

Friendships in adolescence

Adolescence is the period when young people's individual personalities take on a clearer outline and they become much more aware of their friends’ unique personalities. This is one reason why friendships formed in adolescence are significantly more likely to last into the adult years than are childhood friendships. Adolescence is also the period when friendship groups can help form character, as adolescent peer groups can exert a strong effect on the teenager's future. Researchers have found that teens are much healthier mentally and physically when their friends are good students, participate in sports and other wholesome extracurricular activities, and avoid drugs and alcohol. Conversely, adolescents who make friends with others who have behavioral problems are likely to get in trouble themselves.

Adolescent friendships are complicated by puberty and sexual development. Teenagers may wonder whether it is possible to be friends with a person of the opposite sex or whether all male/female relationships have to be sexual. Another common problem— rivalry—arises when two “best friends” are both interested in dating the same boy or girl. Last, the formation of cliques—groups of 5–10 teenagers who “hang out together” at the high school level—is sometimes distressing to those who feel excluded from the clique.

Friendships in adult life

Contemporary life is hard on adult friendships in a number of ways. The competitiveness of the job market makes workplace friendships difficult, and the frequency of divorce often means that both former spouses lose the friends they had as a married couple. The frequent moves required by some occupations also strain adult friendships; and the responsibilities of middle adulthood (such as caring for teenage offspring and elderly parents at the same time) often mean that adults have little time to spend with friends and renew their friendships. Nonetheless, most American adults value their close friendships, especially as they age. The death of a spouse and of other friends means that a senior's remaining friends are more precious than ever. Maintaining adult friendships has been found to be a major factor in protecting older adults against physical and emotional frailty.

See also Child development ; Family relationships. Resources

KEY TERMS

Buddy—
A term that some people use for a friendship based on a shared activity, as in “fishing buddy” or “study buddy.”
Clique—
A social grouping of people (usually between five and 10) who interact more often and more intensely with one another than with others in their wider social circle. Cliques are most often associated with the high school years but can form in any age group.
Imaginary friend—
A friendship, most often found in children, between a person and a companion (who may be a historical figure, angel, animal, or spirit) who exists only in the child's imagination. Imaginary friends are considered a normal phase of childhood development.

Resources

BOOKS

Shepherd, Linda Evans. Encouraging Hands, Encouraging Hearts: How to Be a Good Friend. Ann Arbor, MI: Vine Books, 1999.

Upton, Candace L. Situational Traits of Character: Dispositional Foundations and Implications for Moral Psychology and Friendship. Lanham, MD: Lexington Books, 2009.

Vernon, Mark. The Meaning of Friendship. New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2010.

Williams, Clifford, ed. On Love and Friendship: Philosophical Readings. Boston, MA: Jones and Bartlett, 1995.

PERIODICALS

Andrew, M.K. “Frailty and Social Vulnerability.” Interdis-ciplinary Topics in Gerontology and Geriatrics 41 (2015): 186–195.

Delgado, M.Y., et al. “How Do My Friends Matter? Examining Latino Adolescents’ Friendships, School Belonging, and Academic Achievement.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence, August 21, 2015 [E-publication ahead of print].

Koösters, M.P., et al. “Indicated Prevention of Childhood Anxiety and Depression: Results From a Practice Based Study up to 12 Months After Intervention.” American Journal of Public Health, August 13, 2015: e1-e9 [E-publication ahead of print].

Lansford, J.E., et al. “Pathways of Peer Relationships from Childhood to Young Adulthood.” Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology 35 (March 2014): 111–117.

Meisel, M.K., et al. “A Social Network Analysis Approach to Alcohol Use and Co-occurring Addictive Behavior in Young Adults.” Addictive Behaviors 51 (July 2015): 72–79.

Neubaum, G., and N.C. Kra¨ mer. “My Friends Right Next to Me: A Laboratory Investigation on Predictors and Consequences of Experiencing Social Closeness on Social Networking Sites.” Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking 18 (August 2015): 443–449.

WEBSITES

GoodCharacter.com. “Teaching Guide: Friendship (grades 5–9).” http://www.goodcharacter.com/BCBC/Friendship.html (accessed August 25, 2015).

HowStuffWorks. “What Is Friendship?” http://people.howstuffworks.com/what-is-friendship.htm (accessed August 25, 2015).

Kids' Health. “Friendship.” http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=286&id=1636 (accessed August 25, 2015).

Psychology Wiki. “Friendship.” http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Friendship (accessed August 25, 2015).

http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/friendship/ (accessed August 25, 2015).

ORGANIZATIONS

National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, 31 Center Drive, Building 31, Room 2A32, Bethesda, MD, 20892-2425, (800) 370-2943, Fax: (866) 760-5947, NICHDInformation ResourceCenter@mail.nih.gov, http://www.nichd.nih.gov .